Open Mouth…Insert Foot
A couple months ago I had a highly embarrassing experience while working at Costco. I was sick one night, and needed to buy some cough drops. Well, Costco closes at 8:30 and I had to work until 11:00, and I was unable to purchase them during my break, so I had to wait until I got off to do so. Anyway, since it was so late, all of the cash registers were turned off, requiring a cashier to log back into the system. So, I approached a supervisor, whom we’ll call Theresa*, who happens to be lesbian. I said, “Hey Theresa*, will you check me out?!” As soon as the words had escaped my mouth, I realized my mistake and felt humiliated! Luckily, she didn’t see the embarrassment on my face because she was currently working on the computer, and had her back to me. After a moment, she replied, “You mean…help you buy something?” “Yes, yes!!” I responded and quickly left the room. I died laughing afterward, but at the moment I pretty much felt like a prize-idiot for making such a faux pa!
Watch That First Step, It’s a Doozie
So the other day I was hurrying to catch the bus in a parking lot neighboring my apartment complex because I was running late (surprise, surprise)! Well, as I was briskly walking, I was rummaging around in my purse looking for my bus pass. As you might know, quick forward movements aren’t generally advised if you aren’t looking ahead. Well, as I was searching my purse, and didn’t slow my pace, my knees and shins suddenly collided with a bright yellow slab of concrete! The effect was pretty amazing, as I fell forward on my face my feet flew out from under me, and the backpack that was previously on my back, landed on my head! Okay, so while I would have loved to watch it on film, and I cracked up at the time, I had to retain some kind of dignity, so I rushed to my feet, looked around quickly for any bystanders, brushed myself off, and continued on my way.
Anything Else?
My sophomore year of high school I went on a date to a Mexican restaurant called El Charro. Everything was going fairly well, we were seated, decided what to order, ordered, and we were waiting for our food to arrive. After a few minutes our waitress returned with our food. After she gave us our respective dishes, she addressed me with a phrase I couldn’t understand. She kept looking at me and saying what I thought was, “Any good news?” I was totally confused, and sure she was speaking Spanish because I couldn’t understand her at all. She repeated it a couple of times, and I kept wondering why the heck she would ask me if there was any good news! I didn’t know the woman, why would she ask me that?! So, after I asked her what she was saying a couple times, and continued to stare at here with a completely perplexed look on my face, my date finally spoke up, thanked her, and told her we were fine. Apparently she was saying, “Anything else?” Let me tell you, I felt pretty darn cool! Well, as if one mortifying experience for the night wasn’t bad enough, I managed to make another blunder. After we finished eating, my date got up to pay for our meal, and I went to the bathroom. Well, coming out of the bathroom, I got a little turned around. I started walking out, but couldn’t figure out which direction to go. So I looked around, found the exit sign, and started heading towards it. Well, at this point, the restaurant was basically empty, and as I was heading towards the exit sign I saw a group of employees sitting at a table folding silverware into napkins, for the next day. They all looked up at me, grinned, and began chuckling, when I finally realized it was an employee only exit. Again, I felt like a prize-idiot, but to make matters worse, as I turned around to find the correct door, I saw my date looking humored, as he just viewed the entire spectacle. Yeah…I know, sometimes I’m pretty cool!
We Are Siamese If You Don’t Please…?
Okay, so my senior year of high school my friend Jimmy, my little brother Adam, and I had a brilliant idea for “twin day”. We decided we’d spice it up a little bit and we dressed as Siamese triplets! So, the night before the big day, Adam and Jimmy took a pair of each of our jeans and stitched the pant legs together. This proved quite the feat because Adam was 5’ 10” or taller, Jimmy was over 6’, and I was a meager 5’ 2”. As you can imagine, walking also proved difficult! Anyway, so the next day after Seminary, we dressed for the occasion, the only problem was, I still had to drive to the school. Somehow, the three of us slid into the front seat, and by some miracle I managed to drive to school without accident, with Adam’s left leg and foot attached to my right one! Well, we thought we were pretty much hilarious because this was one of the best ideas ever, especially because none of us really had any classes together! And, I might add, it was probably one of the most rebellious things I’d ever done as well! Anyway, so we showed up to school, but surprisingly nobody appreciated our humor as much as we did. Few people “got it” and those who didn’t initially understand, didn’t really find it funny after we explained, but I guess that’s the way it is with any joke, it’s not quite so funny when it has to be explained to be understood. The other shocker was that our teachers and administrators didn’t find much humor in it either. Perhaps that was because we didn’t, as our vice principal put it, “attend our classes.” Well, regardless of what they thought, I found it funny!
A Little Dumpster Diving?
Winter semester 2007, my roommate Kylie had a little problem. As she was cleaning her room one day she threw away a box that contained an earring set she had recently been given. Well, by the time she remembered, and realized what she had done, our trash had been taken out to the dumpster behind our building. Not only that, but she was dressed and ready for church, which met before my own. Well, since I wasn’t dressed up yet, I got to go look for the box she had thrown out. Let me tell you, it was quite the experience, but perhaps not one I would repeat! However, we did find it, so I guess, all’s well that ends well!
